Cornelius Talk
Cornelius Yorkie is composed of five tasty chocolate chunks. Cornelius Yorkie: Not for girls!
Cornelius Yorkie is a hairy and small but vicious dog that yaps a lot.
Cornelius Fork has four tines of equal length.
Cornelius Torque is the tendency of a force to rotate an object about an axis, fulcrum, or pivot.
Cornelius Norks is two great things that look great together.
Cornelius Cork is an impermeable, buoyant material, a prime-subset of generic cork tissue that is harvested for commercial use primarily from
Quercus suber (Cork Oak) that is endemic to southwest Europe and northwest Africa.
Cornelius Ork iz
MESSIN ABAHT!Cornelius Zork, master of the underground empire
Cornelius Pork, arbitrator.
Cornelius Bork, Erch Meelitunt und Budygooerd tu Seemun D'Releeer. Bork bork bork.
Photeys
40k Toilets
I don't know why but this made me smile :) Adeptus Astartes Bogs
- The Dark Angels - Only the Inner Circle knows where it is.
- White Scars - Mounted on the weapons platform of an attack bike.
- Space Wolves - A fire hydrant.
- Imperial Fists - Is horribly uncomfortable, because the Emperor is probably fairly uncomfortable on his throne.
- Blood Angels - When on the toilet, one may be overcome by The Brown Rage.
- Iron Hands - Toilet may in fact be a sleeping tech-marine.
- Ultramarines - Immaculate and clean, everyone hates them for this reason.
- Salamanders - Well made, efficient and beloved by the people. The only fault one can find is the use of lava when flushing.
- Raven Guard - Cannot be flushed as Corax himself mandated only he could do away with what was done as it is his responsibility.
- Black Templar - fairly difficult to use, because every time you do something in it, the fucking thing rushes at you.
- Adeptus Custodes - Eternally waiting for the Emperor to get finished using it.
- Blood Ravens - still looking for theirs, they happen to have one that just covers waste in dust though.
- Angry Marines - Have no use for a toilet as they, in fact, shit plasma grenades.
- Bone Dragons- Relatively normal, but after you use it, you get hard. And I'm not talking about a boner.
- Minotaurs - Shit really fast in enemy toilets before running away.
- Lamenters - Perfectly fine until they try to flush...
Accursed Toilets of the Traitor Legions
- Emperor's Children - Everyone takes it in turns being the toilet.
- Iron Warriors - Difficult to get to with all the razorwire and trenches, may turn out to have merely been a decoy with no actual toilet in there.
- Night Lords - Stall walls are covered in horrible graffiti art, toilet constantly screams.
- Legion of the Damned- Appears before you, but only if you have to go Number 3.
- World Eaters - Mostly destroyed when figuring out how to flush the toilets enraged the berserkers.
- Death Guard - Trust me, you don't wanna use them.
- Thousand Sons - When flushed, waste is merely covered in dust.
- Red Corsairs - Toilets are stolen from loyalist stalls.
- Black Legion - No toilets of their own, constantly trying to use the ones on Cadia.
- Word Bearers - Fairly normal aside from the hymns playing in the stall speakers, until you realize it's out of paper and must ask the dark gods for some.
Other Toilets of the Imperium
Imperial Guard
Each Guardsman is equipped with a chamberpot. Soldiers who fail to recite the Litany of Smooth Passage while using their chamberpot will be shot by the commissar. Company and regimental stalls compress the waste into tighly packed, high density shells and then fires them at the enemy via rear-mounted cannon. Earthshakers aren't called earthshakers for nothing.
- Catachans - don't need them, too busy flinging their waste at the enemy in the first place.
- Tanith - appears without warning when you need to take a shit, and is gone by the time you've finished pulling your pants up. Colonel-Commissar Commisar Gaunt discovers an STC capable of producing flush toilets but destroys it, correctly perceiving that it has been tainted by Chaos for no clear reason.
- Valhallan 597th - appears normal, but the cleanest, most efficient, and best-looking stall is conspiciously hidden behind the rest, next to the nastiest stall in the Imperium. Also, all their seats are made of ice.
- Mordian Iron Guard - Every Guardsman has his own toilet, and shits in perfect sync with the rest of the unit.
Inqusitiorial Toiletry
- Daemonhunters - the best toilets in the Imperium, capable of flushing any amount of waste with impossible ease. Unfortunately, they are highly expensive and after you use them, there's a possibility of mind scrubbing or summary execution.
- Witchhunters - PURGE YOUR WASTE WITH HOLY PROMETHIUM IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!
Foul Toilets of the Xenos
Eldar Toiletry
Eldar toilets, coupled with a diet of cheese and spicy foods, are designed to make shitting as uncomfortable as possible. Rumor has it that Eldrad Ulthran designed the curently used forms.
- Ulthwe - all toilets teleport their waste through the webway to preset points in space and time, causing little bits of Eldar shit to land atop your helmet at just the wrong moment. Just as planned.
- Saim-Hann - screams around at insane speeds throughout the craftworld, allowing the user to engage in flying joust matches of doom while relieving himself.
- Dark Eldar - .....do you really want to stick an exposed part of your body inside something made by the Dark Eldar?
Tau Toiletry
- Fire Caste - toilets are optional wargear for their battlesuits.
- Earth Caste - install toilets right into their worker drones, in case they need to pinch a loaf while designing said battlesuit.
- Air Caste - simply shit into long vials (their long, slender bodies produce long, slender shits) and use them as bombs in air raids.
- Water Caste - simply fashion a toilet out of the bodies of the Imperial diplomats that declare war on them.
- Ethereals - have evolved to the point where they shit morale in its purest, sweetest form. And they don't even need to wipe afterward!
- Kroot - quietly spread throughout the galaxy to every species. With every subsequent flush, the toilet becomes more and more adapted to handling that species' shit.
- Farsight Enclave - of the highest caliber technology, but only one is allowed per 3 battalions. His toilets are also cracked, dirty and fixed many times. They're also very low and tell the user that he "needs to shorten his reach." Also, they are either glowing with ungodly energies or not.
- Gue'vasa - Tau give port-o-potties to human settlements as to encourage joining the Greater Good. They're so helpful they even wipe for you. The disinfectant it sprays afterwards, however, renders you sterile and then tags you to be escorted to a work camp.
DA FLUSHAS
Painted red. Has a mounted Big Shoota and Bigga Choppa in case there's a line and the other Boyz are getting impatient. It only flushes because they truly believe it has a plumbing system. In some cases, however, Orky toilets are actually a sneaky grot trick to loot your arse. Unfathomable Necron Toiletry
Ever wonder what those Monoliths were originally designed for? Effects vary depending on which C'tan:
- Void Dragon's leaves you with a robotic ass and no need to ever crap again.
- The Deciever's is the best toilet in the universe but it flushes in reverse.
Tyrannic Bio-toiletry
Actually a subspecies of Gaunt.
Squat Toiletry
Squats - They're short, wide and full of beer, but no one believes they exist anymo
Alpha Legion Exception
Alpha Legion - All previous toilets may in fact be an Alpha Legion toilet.